Avengers and Oliver and Co: Ragnarok Madness
by Eogrus
Summary: Black Widow is protecting the American Museum of Natural History, but Loki and Living Laser plan to kill her! It's up to Oliver and Dodger to save her!
1. Chapter 1

Everything was very peaceful in the wonderous and industrious city of New York. The Central Park was very pretty and clean with many animals of infamous animousity, the avenues were filled with happy civilians and cartel Thanksgivings of eternity annualness and the vehicles all moved nicely across the roads.

"My, what a mighty finy day!" said a random woman with much happiness and joy in her left vasicle.

"Indeed my champion felicity dame!" said a random old man selling chestnuts.

They made out with much ardour and beauty that made Natalia Romanova black darkness heart much warm in Kennaz apreciation glory. She was on a secret mission to safeguard the Museum of Natural History, the S.H.I.E.L.D. need it safe because it contains many precious fossils, especially Andrewsarchus mongoliensis skull. The evil devil immensely ugly god Loki was amassing an evil army somewhere, and he wanted that skull very bad in order to complete an unholy trinity perfecta with fossils he stole from Berlin, London, Sydney, Paris and Antananarivo. Black Widow must not fail, so she is dressed in most unconspicuous and subtle disguise while safeguarding the museum.

"Mommy, is is woman dressed in nothing but bikini top?" asked an ignoramus forever virginity little boy is is a homophobe so he deserves to die.

"Dear Cobramcjingleballs, that woman you see is a stripper, it is very important for american economy!" said his parent with much wisdom in her varicose vein tumourful breasts, whom he is attracted to because of several Oedipal gonorrhea.

And indeed it was. A massive crowd had gathered at the Museum, because Natalia Romanova is doing a strip teasing routine in the main entrance. A massive exceptionally phallic rubber pole covered with honey had replaced the the green statue, with a retractable, extendable metallic roof installed right above the entrance in order to provide shelter during thunderstorms or intense UV Sun radiation. All the money wasted on that paid off immensely, because now many horny and perv men were donating money to the Museum, providing the biggest revenue that it ever had since it acquired Quetxzalcoatlus fossils. Natalia Romanova was very smileful and happy, it was a very fine day to strip dance as all the verpaphilliac men were paying attention to her and all the women were very jealous and tearing off their hair in frustration. Her workmanship and sassiness were so felicity sexuality that even Sunna, the norse Sun goddess, was MAD with envy at her.

"You will pay for this, Black Widow!" said the unfelicity solar deity of cancerous gamma ray radiation earwax.

Romanova was so happy she just winked in pleasure, so Sunna fired a hyper laser beam at her to fry her into the oblivion. Instead, the metal roof just redirected the blast to Peter Parker, utterly burning and scorching his genitalia until only ash remained.

"Ew Peter, I hate what you did to your dick, I'm going to leave you now!" said Mary Jane with much reason in her nipples, "Thank you Black Widow for revealing my devil husband's folly!"

"You're welcome sweety!" moaned Natalia with much happiness in her ovaries, and everyone congratulationed her for being so clever and wonderous.

Everyone except Loki.

"GRRRR, you thinks yous so clever little geoluread quim, with your saggy tittes and your fleas in the clitoris! Well, I have an evil devil plan to ruin your little façade, and then everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. will throw you in the garbage can! HAW HAW HAW!"

"Well, not if you keep spouting shit like halicobacter lagomorph!" said…Living Laser!

"What the hell are you doing here you most enthropic retard!?"

"Andrewsarchus skull has ancient devil evil powers granted by celtic god Hemera! If I take hold of it I shall have unholy destruction LIGHT POWERS that will anihilate humanity with Wrath of God! If you aid me in my quest I shall grant you three kisses!"

"Sounds fair enough."

And so the dastardly evil villains made their hasty retreat to kill Black Window! But that devilry has been registered by most watchful vigilance eyes this side of Manhattan!

"Wiskity crickets, we have to call the Avengers!" said Oliver, spying with his binocles - he is very talented cat, he can hold binocles with paws - the devilry incident before his eyes.

"Why? Black Widow is super spy, nobody will fuck her red ass!" says Dodger, withrawing his massive dog dong from Oliver's dung tunnel.

"But is is two devil evil gods of Hell, even she cannot withstand Living Laser's madness hypnotic 450-495 radiance gyroscopic cock!"

"Holy shit, we must call the Avengers indeed!"

And so Oliver the deliciously hotness underage kitten cat and Dodger the pussy violator mutt run down the dark, dump aisles and alleys in search of superheroes of magnanimous powers of supernaturality. They run across most unsavoury characters, drug dealers, con artists, organ stealers, mass murderers, pedophiles, homophobic and racist hate groups and Channel Awesome fans, but their sheer love of erotic material is enough a shield to withstand the darkest edges of the great city of dreams and stars. But suddenly an evil shadowed figure appears in front of them!

"You will perish in DARKNESS you little animalistic skanks of epicurian carcinomas!" said an evil and fell voice….DAISY DUCK!

Yes, Daisy Duck has been driven to MADNESS after her boyfriend Donald left her for Janet van Dyne (after she offed Hank with batery acid bath to the balls, that is) after years and decades of domestic abuse and mistreatements, she has married Gladstone for a while but then his good luck led her to become infuriated at her loss of control and power, so she called in Doctor Doom to destroy his sorry feathery bum and even then he went to Heaven with a smile, so she has been alone and miserable because there is nobody under her sadistic grasp, nobody well enrolled in her filfthy, shit encrusted finger. So she is now a crazy cat duck lady that survives via scat prostitution, snuff filmography and by running New York's crime syndicate, right beneath Kingpin himself, ordering and bossing around all the villains including Doctor Octopus and Electro. And now she is mighty fine PISSED OFF at the cat and dog who entered in her territory…

"THIS IS MY TURF DO YOU NOT SEE MY BORDERS!?" said evilly the whore ugly Anseriformes, pointing at the wall of most intrepidly rhinocerous vulva stench shit blocking the alley.

"But madam we came from the other side we did not see your marvelous dung dam!" asked truthfully the honestly inoccence Oliver cat kitten, with much adoration and love that Dodger got an erection, he was mad in love with him.

"LIARS, YOU FILTHY BOREOTHERE LIARS OF EOCENE COMPULSIONS OF WOE! YOU WILL PAY GRAVELY FOR OFFENDING DAISY DUCK THE MAFIOSA!"

"Permit me to destroy them?" said Lizard, putting out his tongue like sensual elaphid snake or most inane drooling retard.

"Nonesense my slut, I will personally kill these intruders!" said Daisy Duck, frenching Lizard's Salmonella snout with much pleasure and octagonal diarrhea sentiments.

And then Daisy Duck took out her shotgun and began shooting everywhere, killing Black Cat, The Vulture and all the other prostitute villains that lived in her shanty town. Oliver and Dodger managed to doge every bullet thanks to their fast carnivoran eutherian reflexes, but they were running out of energy so they needed to act fast. Thankfully, Oliver had sex with Professor Xavier so he acquired telekinesis to mentally communicate with Dodger.

"Dodger my love, you must destruct Daisy!"

"Will do my boudacious carnificine beautiful kitten of love!"

Oliver blushed, just in time to reflect a bullet with his claws, and then Dodger dodged all the bullets and got behind Daisy and snapped her neck. Because her torso lost contact with the medula she got paraplegic, and so her bowels completly lost nervous control, unleashing gallons upon gallons of most vile guano and then her intestines. With the vile avialan villainess dead and being raped in hell, Oliver and Dodger shared a passionate kiss that melted the hearts of all the surviving villains, that patted their fuzziness heads and fingered their sordid butts. But they were still very worried about Black Widow!

"Someone seems very sadiful in this wonderful day" said a moaning whory and wise voice from a small hole in the wall.

"We need to warn The Avevngers that Loki and Living Laser are going to kill Black Widow!"

"Do not worry, we can take you there!"

And so the door opened, revealing an entire infrastructure created by mice! Amidst them were Bernard and Bianca, the pureness sweetness newly weds, dressing in a neat white tuxedo and a sensual dress made from human skin respectively, to show their purity of purpose and the grimness of reality.

"We have a friend that will get us to the Avengers headquarters real fast, come in!" said Bernard really worried, because if Loki wins he will steal his wife and crush her internal organs like marshallow, as retaliation for the "Sri Lanka incident".

And so they climbed the elevator. It was very tight and unconfortable because Oliver's and Dodger's sexual pheromonas made Bernard and Bianca very horny, and in turn their sensual attire made Dodger erection very much. Tensations and cheating arguments were about to erupt when suddenly the elevator stopped at the roof top. Before them the Albatross Airlines cabin, now strangely modified into looking like a gothic scottish chapel. It was open, so out heroes entered inside, finding lots of holy crosses and jesus imagery. Sitting on a chair was an albatross dressed like Fred Phelps.

"Good evening my clients, are you here to make an appointment for a journey? A SPIRITUAL journey, perhaps?"

"Who are you?" said Bernard distrusting.

"I am Milton Wright, father of Orville and Wilbur."

"Where are they?" asked Bianca frightfully.

"Well my ill dressed skank whore, my sons were very sinful in their aviatory ways of global expansionism, so I stripped them of their sins!" he said, taking out their dissecated heads from his pockets.

"How can you can you do that to your own sons you monster!?" said Oliver with much righteousness in his heart of colesterol.

"Well my little fag, if I were in your place I would not bite the hand that feeds you. You need me to get to the Avengers in time."

"How did you know?" asked Doger scaredely.

"Oh, I hath telekinesis too! Alas, although I would much rather skin you alive, I do have to agree to your goals. I cannot let evil pagan Loki ruin my plans of christian supremacy, so prepare yourselves and hop into my back!"

And so Milton the christian extremist most insipidly retard bird put the iconic sardine box seating device on his back, and our protagonists hopped in.

"Ah, I have one condition for this journey! No faggotry, so Bianca will have to seat between Oliver and Dodger. So, if any feels horniness, they will have to sex Bianca and end holiness matrimony of the rats! HAW HAW HAW!"

They all agreed to anyways, because Oliver and Dodger are much taller than the mice so they can french regardless. They all got very confortable in their miniscule metallic blanket, Oliver nuzzling against Dodger and Bianca and Bernard sharing a kiss in front of Oliver's crotch. The WBC bird then began taking off, running like a deranged kudzu chicken until it reached the ramp. It clasped it's wings instead of flapping them, only opening the wings at the last minute before hitting the ground, swiftly ascending right in the middle of the street, causing a massive traffic accident that caused millions of deaths. Oliver and company watched the gore with much ardour in their chests.

"Why you kill little children you monster!?" says Bianca with much righteousness in her breasts.

"I do not kill, I free people from consolations of godless existence and AIDS!" said Milton very angrily.

Just then a little girl's head feel on the albatross's and blocked his eye sight, making him fly turbulently all the way to the Stark Industries building. The Jarvis the robot is very much not pleased.

"Mister Stark devil diomedeidid bird of un-North Atlantic origins is striking, permission to terminate?"

"Oh, yes!" Starke moaned with much sexuality pleasure in his cock.

With that ordered, the Stark Industries building super laser canons were erected like dementia horse cocks of lackluster pleasantry, and began firing at our heroes!

"Darnmnits, Stark is madly mistaken in myopic misanthropy!" said Oliver, his left ear pulverised by the laser.

A laser beam hit Milton right in the face, destroying the ornithurine and little girl heads in ten thousand carnicery deliciously poultry amicability desires. To avoid crashing Doger and Oliver grabbed the bird wings and flapped them - something they thankfully did not need to do often, thanks to the albatross locking wing joints and expertise in gliding -, but they were losing lift quickly and the lasers were increasing.

"Quick, use those thermals!" said frightfully the Bianca with uterous virginity wiseness.

And in the nick of time they do, ascending until they reach the highest window. Oliver and Company can't believe it! Tony Stark is fucking Pepper's cancerous, maggot filled putrid flesh she calls vagina in the couch while the Hulk watches, inserting Steven Rogers' body in his prostate butt! With no more time to waste, our protagonists crash through the window, sending glass shards everywhere, especially to the Hulk dick and skull, hitting his left lobe so his anal muscles contracted and utterly smashed all the Steve Rogers bones and internal organs. Before Pepper and Iron Man could even register that the albatross landed violently on them!

The impact of the albatross, dog, cat and mice falling on the casanova rich man the Stark was enough to propell his thrust forward, making him orgasm with such power and strength that his cum shot was fired at the speed of a bullet and completly destroyed Pepper's internal organs and ripped her head off the body, sending it flying all the way to the bathroom toilet (which flushed itself). The impact also made Tony Stark empty his bowels, gallons upon galloons of rotten yellowish shit being sprayed into the air like a fountain of shameful pickadily alfaceous contraceptives. To make matters worse, he was rendered completly paraplegic down the neck, being unable to remove himself from Pepper's quickly decaying corpse, the maggots entering through his urethra and beginning to eat his penis!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH YOU SHITTY ANIMALS YOU HAVE MADE ME PARALATIC AND KILLED MY WHORE SERVANT WOMAN HULK KILL THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

"No you misunderstand we must save Black Widow!" cries Bianca very wisy.

"Ah, you seem to believe I give a fucking darn about that russian skank!" said Tony cruelly, "I set up her death! HAW HAW HAAW!"

Oliver and Company could not believe it! Yes, Tony Stark, one of America's greatest heroes, had conspired against the Avengers and contracted Loki to kill Romanova!

"Stark…. you will not get away with this…." said Steve Rogers weakly, his voiced muffled by Hulk's anal muscles, before dying and being shat out of the green man's body.

"But my dear Captain America, I already have! Now Jarvis, commence operation K19T!"

"Yes my feeble master!" said pervertly the evil robot Jarvis.

Just then, a series of doors opened and thousands of arachnid robots with dildoes strapped on them came in! They had inside jars filled with children's body parts, including Jenny's head, Penny's legs and Cody's genitalia!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Oliver with much sadness in his testicles, he was overwhelmed by grief of his human owner's flesh-covered dead cranium being inside a devil kami machine, while Bianca and Bernard mourned the death of the two children they worked so hard to save.

"Yes, grieve much my deciduous little pussy!" cackled Tony Stark devilly fully, as Jarvis tried to fix his spine by inserting a massive tube in his rectum and raising his body up like an ice cream being supported by wood.

Hulk was very mad at the little asnimals for his dolor and dead lover, but he felt sorry of them, so he decided to destroy the evil robots.

"HULK SMASH, ANIMALS SAVE NATALIA! STEVEN SHIELD IS IN BALCONY, BRING TO HULK SO YOU CAN UTILISE IT LIKE MEGA FRISBY AND FLY TO THE ASGARD TO GET THOR!"

"NOOOO!" roars Stark madly, he much dislikes utilisation of unorthodox flight styles, "YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR BETRAYAL BRUCE BANNER! MY PEDOBOTS, DESTRUCT THEM ALL!"

The robots then grew barbs on their dildos, but they were kept at bay thanks to Hulk's ginormous cock slapping them away. Dodger run as fast as he could to retrieve the Captain America shield, but it was too heavy for his mandibula to carry. But then he saw Oliver's beautiful eyes under the pale lit light of the pedobots, and he was inspired with much love and righteoussness for the heart of the person you care about most, so he single handedly carried the shield back to Hulk, worthy as he was of the true power of AMERICA!

"You did it!" Oliver nuzzled against his lover's thick pelt.

"I could not have done it without you, mon cherry."

And so the too kissed with much passion and duty, the light of pure love causing a mass malfunction in the pedobots and shutting off Jarvis for good, making Tony Stark fall on the pile of diarrhea turd he had ejaculated.

"Curses! DI69AYKPE!" cried Iron Man shittifully.

Just then the entire building began converting into nanomachines and going into the evil industrial man! Hulk grabbed the animals and the shield and they all run in to the top of the tower. Hulk then strapped Dodger, Bernard, Bianca and Oliver to the shield with tape wire and threw the shield to the sky, just as the tower crumbled and he was consumed by nanomachines!

"We will avenge you Hulk!" said Bianca as she barfed violently her own stomachal lining.

The shield went round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round until it hit the S.H.I.E.L.D. airship window glasses. Glass flies everywhere, most of it stabbing Maria Hill's face, disrotting her teeth and gums, ripping off her cheeks, exploding her eyes, cutting her putrid decaying snot filled nostrils, and entering her brain cavity and anihilating the neocortex, making her crouch violently on the ground and most spectacularly defecate her inwards thousands of feet into the air. Her coworkers that weren't wounded or killed by the breaking glass enjoyed a shower of rotten burrito diarrhea shit that was filled with lead, so their flesh melted into bloody jelly filled with bubbles, exposing their pure white skeletons. Most of the computers were severaly damaged by the most putrid mexican dung, exploding en masse and setting the airship on fire, frying most of the survivors.

"What HELLCK is going on IN HERE!?" asked Nick Fury very madly, he was angry because this tomfoolery interrupted him from anihilating white ass with his dinomongous cock.

"Sire your agent the Black Widow is in grave mortality danger!" cries Oliver with glass shards on his anal glands, "Loki and Living Laser are attempting most devil schematics of areopagic madness!"

But then Nick Fury broke into laughter!

"No, don't!" said Bianca, lacting rotten goat milk from her dung filled titties.

"You explode the FUCK out of MY ship so I can save that stupid hoe skank!? I don't give a fucking DARN about Black Widow you miserable little Exafroplacentalia shits! Now you will all suffer my wrath for provoking me! HAW HAW HAW!"

And then Nick Fury lubed his gigantic black cock with Maria's turd petrol…. he was going to rape them! To make matters more the bad, they were still tied to the shield, so they could not run away like demolished cranes upon Adlivun of pissing madness. Oliver, you must think of a away out of this one!

"Oliver my love, use your telekinesis to contact Thor!" says Dodger very wisy.

And Oliver does! His mind goes very deep into the space, into the black void of broken dreams and lost sleds of carcinoma woes of cinematic idiocy. He goes all the way to Asgard, where Heimdall intercepts him.

"Halt at once! What is your business you devilful most vermillion pussy?" says the wise deliciously hotness chocolatl skin watcher Heimdall, eating a watermelon filled with fried chicken, whilst playing a banjo with his huge penile.

"Heimdall I must contact Thor in order to save the world from Loki menace and my arse from Nick Fury hateful phallic appendage of purphury madness head!"

"Mmm, I shall see what I can do, in exchange for a price….YOUR ASSS!"

Oliver is very frightened and sad, he cannot cheat with his life partner of much amorous love feelings of passione, but if he does not Dodger's ass will be exterminated by Nick Fury's super serpent penis.

"Fine, but I will not prevent veneral diseases infections!"

"Do not worry, I already have AIDS."

And with that the Heimdall turned off the mental communication.

"How did it go?" Bernard unmanlinessly because he had a glass shard on his testicles.

"Heimdall said he would bring Thor, but in return I have to sex him!"

"GRRR, don't worry my love, I will kill that son of a bitch tapeworm eyed cunt and take out his fucking skin!" said Dodger with penis eating intentions.

Just then, Nick Fury got really close!

To be continued…


	2. The Black Parade

"HAW HAW HAW I M GOING TO RAPE YOU ALL!" said Nick Fury deviously and dementedly, his penis was very bad and evil like a wet mushroom of depression condolences. 


	3. The White Parade

Meanwhile, Black Widow proceeds with her most duplicitous protection vigilance work. She now twerks before the horny festered museum visiting masses, showcasing her deliciously hotness decaying tumourous necrotic buttocks.

"Oh the Black Widow, you deserves ten thousands billion dolars for your most magnanimous striptease work!" says Erik Selvig, taking off his clothes and rubbing his botfly maggot infested, absecessful body of rotten necrosis pus with his large manliness hands in other to demonstrate his most deviously devoted support.

Black Widow most distastes, so she vomits violently a foul mixture of croissants, potato salad, chicken gizzards, autistic severed fingers and most rotten sea lion diarrhea on the devil swedish man. Erik swallows with much pleasure and pleasantry, inserting the foul mixture in his urethra and making his penis decay from the inside out. It quickly melts and bubbles into a bloody black paste which he then inserts on the Black Widow mouth. But Black Widow then bites off his fingers, and introducts them in his fecal dementia arse, completly covered in maroon crust from drier cholera stains.

"Mmmm Natasha, I much adore your violent digit removal and subsequent insertion in my pitiful cavity of samsara!" moans Erik with much pleasure, he really enjoys the Mycobacterium infections in his urogenitalia area.

DARNMITS! Natasha must think quickly, she must dislikes this hateful scandinavian scientist of quantum investigations of despicable gastroentritical varices! Suddenly an idea she has.

"Oh Eriks, why don't you submit to my most horniful fetish of sunlight dictated noetic henosis?"

"Anything for your vulvodynian heart of darkness and miserable cholestrol fungi of pus, min kjære!"

Then Black Widow pots her hand in her uterus, much arousing the now-penis-less man the Selvig, a torrent of putrid black blood flooding his panties and running down his legs because his cavernosum is now Cuterebrinae maggot shit. Then removes something from it, utterly destroying her endometrium walls and mixing Erik's own tainted carcinoma blood with her devilful negative energy Yin blood.

"Here professor, utilise this in the most conspicuously obvious way!" moans Natasha in fake moanistic pleasure because she actually hates him.

And in object she most sacredly obstructed in her vulva is…A CHAINSAW!

"Indeed my love, I shall make use of this rotational blade in most favourful a way!"

And Erik cuts himself, obliterating his cancerous tumour flesh with the chainsaw, cutting his legs, cutting his chest, cutting all his most inane guts that spill forth gallons upon gallons of putridity black wetland poop. The audience is much loving, they masturbate to the black blood carnificine and pay more to the Museum, making it very rich. Soon, Erik Selvig is nothing more than a black red bloody paste of hatred and misogyny, which is very good for Black Widow because now she can rub herself in what once used to the despicable devil man scientist's body, arousing the audiences even more as she licks and eats the carcinogenic mess with much pleasure.

"We love you Black Widow!" said the grateful museum viewers with much wisdom in their pericardiums and hands in their cocks and pussies.

Black Widow much appreciated, she loved having her fans to stroke her hubris ego like the rotten eggs of a salmonella quail inserted in the ovular ambitions of an evil Sarus Crane with syphilis. Two particular men approached her: one was made entirely of golden and white light like the sun's fulgid rays upon the benevolent sexuality melanocytic cat balls of pleasure and desire unfortunately rendered carcinogenic and tumorous, breeding demagogue spermatozoa with devil kami intions of rape and contamination, and another man dressed in green and wearing a horned golden helmet, that was really ugly and wrinkly like a horrible wet mushroom (basically like Tom Hiddleston in the movies). Natasha thought they looked very much like Living Laser and Loki, but they were wearing moustaches with twirling tips like the endless spirals of a lovecraftian horror, so she did not judge this infinitely hateful MEN of distasteful aesthetic and ethical values.

"Hello my good customers, hoping to accomplish some degree of relaxation and gnosis by frequenting the greatest america museum of unfathomable capitalism and putrid slavery cum?" asks Natasha, shaking her rotten, decaying buttocks, covering them with putrid blood and pus.

Loki much didn't like, he hated that whore the Black Widow and her red hair of Morrigan undertones of Slavic tomfoolery, while Living Laser was remembering his mother because he is an incestual bastard with a preference for tomato labia. So he urinates his crotch.

Meanwhile, Oliver, Dodger and Thor are in trouble. The Gargoyles much distaste the murder of their beautiful humanoid princess detective cop the Elisa, so they have tied our heroes with magical hand bondage from the Odin. They circle around them villainly, preparing to KILL!

"You have committed an horrible SIN against the Gargoykes!" said Goliath sexily, rubbing his crotch with his manly hands, "You shall suffer TEN THOUSAND DEATHS!"

"Then you must submit to us!" said Brooklyn birdly, flickering his tongue like an exceptionally malevolent libidinous Squamata snake.

"'When the hypocrites come unto thee (O Muhammad), they say: We bear witness that thou art indeed Allah's messenger. And Allah knoweth that thou art indeed His messenger, and Allah beareth witness that the hypocrites indeed are speaking falsely.' 63:1!" said Hudson islamically.

"No you are gravely mistaken Elisa the grand whore has tricked us….SHE WAS WORKING WITH LOKI AND LIVING LASER!" said Oliver wisely and with much truth in his balls.

"Yeah sure you keep telling LIES!" shouted Goliath with much distaste, spitting putrid globs of despise on Oliver's face, drenching the fur with much wetness of being like thick ropes of sperm on the integument so orange.

But one gargoyle did believe them. Lexington was the smart one of the group, he always knew to not follow peer pressure and to use the neocortex organ of facts and intelligence! He always hated that Elise the whore queen, she was always mean to him and she was antifeministic and evil. She even set Stag hart on fire so they would not fall in love and copulate, and put his ashes on her sordid swamp pussy of despair and insular dementia, which made Lexington very sad like a wistful flower blown upon by hurricane winds on a distant shore in Somalia. So he vomited on Broadway, a foul, highly acidic mixture of granite, opossum road kills, triturated pigeons, fingers and hands from babies, aborted placentas, raped hymens and popcorn.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH THY PESTILENT GARGOYKE WHAT HAS THOU ART DONE!?" said Broadway theatrically, his face bubbling and melting off to reveal pure white calcium.

"Lexington, you have betrayed our clan!" moaned Goliath pessimistically, "Prepare to DIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And then the gargoyles jumped at Lexington, ripping him limb from limb. In the commotion, Oliver used his telekinetical powers to break the chains, and Thor used his mighty hammer to smash Goliath until he was potato juice. The other gargoyles flew away scaredly like the cowards they are, leaving Lexington's putrid, decaying, black blood pustule filled corpse behind.

"No!" said Dodger, licking the Lexington carcass sexily.

"T-tell Staghart I loved him…." said Lexington one last time before Hades claims his sexuality body of pleasure and massive wings and nails.

And so Oliver, Thor and Dodger held each other and cried over the death of this beautifully romantic gargoyle of magical emotions of the empathy, so Thor decided to make a grave for him. He took his hammer and punched the castle, completely destroying the building it was underneath. It crashed upon itself like 9/11 and the debris erupted in all directions, killing millions of pitiful civilians and children, spawning a thousand devils that raped uncivilised, hateful, helegian old cows. With nothing more too loose, and with time on the clock, Thor took Oliver and Dodger to the Museum, to stop the hateful Loki and cervix prolapsy Living Laser.

They landed on Black Widow's stripping pole, creating a powerful sonic blast that made all the civilians in the area explode in a ariximethian shower of blood, entrails, pus and a million strands of AIDS, and collapsed the entrance of the Museum, exposing the primary hall to the elements. But they found something horrendous: inside the Museum, there was an evil and eldritch light, so bright and white that it burned Oliver's rectum, making it bubble and melt off. A fell and very bad voice from within cackled.

"Oh no, we are too late!" cried Oliver teardely and with much ardour bodacious petal tears of a lotus bloom of finite panasiatic proportions like Shamash's fiery heart of ardour and leontomorphic desires, "Living Laser and Loki probably already captured Black Widow!"

"No Oliver, Black Widow is smart and strong woman, she must have lured them inside and is waiting for us to help her!" said Thor bravely and sexualitily, rubbing his hands on his abs with much pleasure.

Oliver got very agreed and horny, so the three went to the Museum. The hall was completely crumbled and obliterated, the ceiling crashed and smashed many pitiful human beings like in Touhoku. Dodger masturbated over the corpses and brought them back to life (he got vitakinetic powers from Squirrel Girl).

"Thank you Dodger!" cried the people in pitiless consternation, "Living Laser, Loki and Black Widow went over there!"

"Thank you my felation citizens of antioxidant consternation, you have aided us in our quest with much guidance and misdeeds" said Thor wisely.

Then our three heroes went deeper into the Museum, while the rest of the ceiling fell on the people and smashed them to death again. An atmosphere of terror and horror filled the air like methane gas on a sordid vagina of swamp ambitions: the paintings rolled their eyes and wailed, the wax figurines moaned and screamed in eldritch tones that made Thor's pericardium inflame with much ardour and lust, the gemstones and rocks grew massive barnacle penises and penetrated each other with much abhorrent pleasure and condemnation.

"Loki's devil magic is mutating the Museum!" cried Thor sexily, manly tears of pure molten lead flowing down his faces like cataract rivers of glory, "If we do not stop him he will bring about Ragnarok and kill everyone!"

"Don't cry, Thor, we will find a way!" said Oliver sexily, licking Thor's boot with much pleasure.

But just then they heard horrible screams... the animals from the mammal exposition… THEY BECAME MUTANT ZOMBIES!

Meanwhile, Black Widow was showing Living Laser and Loki around the place.

"And here we have a most wondrous specimen of an Allosaurus fragilis fighting against the devil evil Barosaurus lentus. They lived all the way back in time to the Kimmeridgian stage of the Jurassic period, when the world was dominated by Ginkgoaceae and the lustful lustral oceans were full of thalattosuchian crocodiles of large salt glands and totalitarian jaws of osteoporosis."

"Is it true that they involved into the bird?" asked Living Laser wisy.

"No, birds are a specific branch of the coelurosaur clade, allosaurs and sauropods diverged millions of years beforehand because of madness wishes" explained Black Widow with much wisdom in her teratoma infested ovaries.

Just then, the bones started to shake, and they gained life! The dinosaurs got alive once again, the flesh and blood began covering them like toothpaste on seahorse anuses, and they were completely covered by plummaceous feathers.

"Yeeeaaaahhh, Ah reckon we slept far tuh long!" said the Allosaurus with the voice of Larry the cable guy.

"Indeed my deliciously hotness gentleman, we must hasten the misdeeds that separated us for an eternity of convoluted stasis that alienated my species from its supple parenthood!" said the Barosaurus preppily, his feathers were fluffy and pink and had bowties on them.

Then….THEY BEGAN TO SEX! The Allosaurus frenched the Barosaurus nostrils with much sexuality and devilry, and their massive dicks began to erect. The ALlosaurus dick looked like a massive ostrich penis, while the Barosaurus dick was spiralling and full of barbs like that of a duck. The Barosaurus cock entered Allosaurus' eardrums with much pleasure, thrusting in the right and exiting in the left. Black Widow got very erosive, she enjoyed animalistic fuckery, so she sat on the ground and masturbated with much pleasure. Loki motioned, and he and Living Laser took the opportunity to run away.

"Now, we must find the Andrewsarchus skull and gain ULTIMATE POWER!" moaned Loki like a constipated tuna hastily devoured by dolphins of dysentery turd sanitation, "Do you remember the location from Black Widow's mutagenic babble?"

"Well, it must be in the Milstein Hall! There they have all the evil mammalian Synapsida of virulent phymosis and flatulent accomplishments" said Living Laser ultravioletly.

But then their evil spell turned on them! They got snatched out of the air by the pterosaurs (AN: the pterosaur exhibition sucks, they are dumb copyrighters and think Tapejara ate fish)!

"Crap, I forgot that the devilful Pterosauria exhibition was still on air!" cried Loki UGILY BECAUSE HE WAS UGLY.

They were grabbed by Pteranodontia beaks of despise by their capes (another reason why Loki is fucking ugly and deserves to die), which levitated them out into the first floor. There, an evil laughter filled the air, and evil eyes looked from the shadows.

"Loki and Living Laser, we will help you, I exchange for one thing…THE DEATH OF THOR, OLIVER AND DODGER!" said an evil chiropratical demon.

It was…GOLIATH AND THE GARGOYKES!

Meanwhile, Thor, Oliver and Dodger were fighting against the evil animal zombies with unlofty ambitions and disdainful credits that do not conclude the premises in which a hypochondriac condition must be met. Thor used his hammer to smash monkeys into smithereens, while Dodger used his photokinetic powers (that he got from sex with Sunspot) to burn devilful gazelles of malevolent myrmicophagy and sordid carcinogenic arses of prolapsy and undigested concrete, while Oliver sent kisses to a bunch of elephant zombies, making them fall in love with him and kill other zombies. But the mass hordes began to accumulate, and to make matters more the bad the wax figurines came to live! The Teddy Roosevelt statue was walking right towards them, his one inch cock ejaculating noxious gases like mammoth satan colons, while Pocahontas (AN: I'm going by the Night At The Museum movie, I don't know who the indian girl is) grabbed her bow and arrows and began to fire severed byzantine severed cocks filled with chili at them! They all missed because of Oliver telekinesis, but they set fire to the Museum! The zombies burned and the wax figurines melted, but the survivors got in danger!

"Please Avengers safe us!" cried a little girl that was absolutely immaculate and virginal.

Thor became very pitiful in his butter heart of condolences, so he grabbed the hammer and busted the plumbing, flooding the Museum with sewer turd defecation water to quench the thirst fires of vengeance in a massive torrent that washed away everything. Unfortunately, the blue whale statue became alive, and devoured the little girl in one gulp. She did the same to Cobramcjingleballs, only that she slowly and painfully masticated him to death by smashing him against the palate with the enormous, bus-heavy tongue. The whale then opened it's mouth again…..IT'S GOING TO TRY TO EAT OLIVER! This made Dodger very MAD.

"DO NOT HASTEN YOUR MISDEEEDS CETACEAN AILUROPHAGE MADNESS CUM SWALLOWER PROTESTANT!" said Dodger sexily, kicking the whale in the eyes, bursting it in a shower of blood and AIDS, making evil black fungi grow on children's carcasses floating in the water.

"My heroe!" says Oliver prettily and lustfulfully, licking Dodger's whiskers with much fervour.

Oliver and Dodger began kissing with much passion and lovefulness, which made the whale cry bitter tears of veneration. So it punched it's snout against the wall, destroying the roman section and flooding all the hateful figurines. The turd water splashed all over the paintings, ruining them and changing them into rednecks. Thor much congratulationed, sending thunder bolts everywhere and electrocuting the children in the water, but then he saw something.

"Oliver, Dodger, it's the Andrewsarchus skull!"

Indeed. It was lying right in the middle of the turbulent currents, protected from the water by the glass. It was as big as the brochure said, and it radiated an aura of evil and malevolent carcinogenic light.

"Quick Doger, we must get to the skull before Loki and Living Laser fined it!" moaned Oliver with much pleasure of trepidations.

So Oliver used his aquakinesis to control the flow of water and get them all near the skull. Thor rose his hammer to strike, but then the Andrewsarchus eyes glow and an evil Yang magic fired a laser and exploded his hand! The hammer flew out of the Museum and landed on a blondy girl.

"Now with this power I shall become the new Thor and safe the world from it's malevolent corporate conspiracy intentions!" said the smart and wise girl, who was much better than Thor.

To make matters worse, the gargoyles, the pterosaurs, Living Laser and Loki appeared! Living Laser was riding a majestic azhdarchid with lots of candy in the eardrums, while Loki was standing on Hudson on one foot only like a Shaolin monk upon a massive wood pillar in the distant mountains of Arabia. Hudson's back broke, so he had a dorsal aneurism and got paraplegic, falling into the turd water and replenishing his bowels, defecting galloons of awful black oil turd and then his internal organs, dying the death he truly deserved. Loki got very wet and humiliated in the shit water, because he is ugly.

"Avengers, you are surrounded. Cease this tomfoolery and handle us the skull!" said Goliath hatefully and horny.

"Yes, handle the skull your scurvy hamdogs!" cackled Brooklyn demonically, fingering his putrid decaying cloaca with his prolapsy nails.

"So you betrayed your principles and morals!?" said Dodger indignantly, "Never shall you have the power to command!"

"GRRR SEIZE THEM!" said Living Laser.

The pterosaurs then flew at Thor and hovered around pecking him, ripping out his eyes, nostrils, ears and face until there was nothing left but white bone and dismantled unfashionable hair. Dodger and Oliver got very sad, but they used their powers to violently destroy the winged menaces: Oliver used his aerokinesis (he got from sex with Doctor Strange) to explode the pterosaur lungs and airsacs, while Dodger used his cryokinesis to freeze their eye orbs and send them to fly against Broadway, their beaks and teeth ripping out his guts and intestines, that fell to the water and spread putrid green dung everywhere. Some of it fell on the Andrewsarchus skull exhibition's glass, so it got very mad. Loki took advantage of the tomfoolery to get close to the glass.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FOOLS I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU ALL WITH MY LIGHT POWERS YOU FOOLS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Luka in a very ugly way.

But he did not expect Thor still being alive. Badly injured, with the stump that was once his hand now a putrid swamp of carcinomas, mass necrosis and puddles of pus, and with his face now being a red skull (geddit), Thor walked towards Loki and poured his vile contents of misdeed in his eye balls. Loki's face got even more ugly than before, his eyes grew ten times their size like massive volleyballs of pulsing blood vessels and irresponsible irritated irises, while his eyelids shrivelled and decayed, until they were nothing but miniscule jerky beef fibres. The eyelashes then fell on the eyes, and they exploded in a shower of vitreous humour, blood, pus and elephant cum, utterly dissolving Thor's flesh and killing him for once and for all. Thus, only Black Widow remained of the Avengers…and she righteously appeared!

"I knew you two dumbfucks were too similar to Loki and Living Laser to ignore!" said Black Widow wisdomly.

She then grabbed a grappling hook and fired it at Angela's face, exploding her cranium and throwing her pulverised brain pieces everywhere. She then did a black flip and snapped hateful Pteranodon necks, then she kicked Brooklyn in the predentary, dislodging all his maxillary teeth and ripping his snout off his face, the upper jaw completely tattered and removed from the skull. She then grabbed an FN Model D and shot at them, firing at Brooklyn and Angela until they were nothing but cabbage soup….OF BLOOD!

"Goliath, now only you are left of the gargouykes!" said Black Widow with much goodness in her pureness, yet unvirginal heart.

But just then Living Laser flew down to the vitrine and broke it open….HE GOT THE SKULL!

"HAW HAW HAW NOW I HAVE ULTIMATE LIGHT POWERS!" cockled Living Laser sadistically, putting two loose bone shards in his luminous urethra.

Then the room got very bright, the light was so strong that Black Widow's nipples fell off and Dodger's ears were set on fire. Living Laser threw lasers EVERYWHERE, blowing up the museum and setting his allies on fire. Black Widow, Dodger and Oliver took cover in the murky shitty water, while Living Laser began to burn the gargoyle corpses and devoured tasty womb flesh from Angela.

"You may hide, Avengers, but your lies will be brought….TO THE LIGHT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Then he did his most heinous commitment: he created holograms of light, ghosts made of electromagnetic spectrum (kinda like Orange Lantern, only less stupid) from dead people….THOR, IRON MAN, HULK, STEVE ROGERS, NICK FURY, BERNARD, BIANCA, PENNY, MARIA HILL, GOLIATH, ELISA, BROADWAY, BROOKLYN, LEXINGTON, DAISY DUCK, ANGELA, HUDSON AND LOKI!

"Now my horny white zombies, satisfy your violations whims on these pathetic little boreoeuthere animals of despise and bacculum condolences!"

Then the zombies grinned an evil zombie grin, and their penises erected and their vaginas began to leak toxic chemicals! What will our heroes do!?

"Oliver, Dodger, you must kiss an act of true love!" said Black Widow womanly, "Only the power of pure affection will destroy these light zombies, because love is the Yin emotion to counteract the Yang light of evil!"

Dodger and Oliver then looked into each other's eyes, and their passion bloomed once again. Dodger's eyes sprinkled with the affection of a veteran survivor of many wars, to teach the young Oliver the powers of passion, and the cat could not resist any long, kissing that wonderous canine muzzle of glory. Their lips collided like the Americas during the Pliocene, first a chaste little touch, then an opening, to allow their tongues to connect, to create somnoluminescence in the saliva waters of primordiality. Their snouts slipped, and their mouths were united as one, an act of true, pure love.

The love was so pure that a pink light radiated, spreading in all directions, spreading warmness and adoration to all those that witnessed it, except for the white ghosts, that disintegrated like shadows beneath true light.

"No, my army of construct sluts!" cried Living Laser, before he too died, his photons no longer able to connect, his light a mockery of the true light of love, the pinkness that destroyed the whiteness of death.

And so as Living Laser dissolved to death, the Andrewsarchus skull fell, trying to seek refuge in the poop waters of hatred, but the light was stronger than it, the bone began to crack and exude white flumes, until it was nothing but dust when it touched the water.

It was done. Living Laser and Loki were defeated. The corrupt Avengers had been brought to justice. The hateful and evil gargoyles perished, the hateful Andrewsarchus cranium met its demise. New York was free of evil and corruption at last.

"We did it! We finally did it!" cried Oliver in happiness, hugging his lover.

Black Widow hugged them too, and the three of them walked out of the Museum, a ruined place of science and evil, soon to be replaced by shopping malls and reality tv studios, as it truly deserved.

But one looming light was still not extinguished. Heimdall did not get his sexual price, so he contract Sunna…. The two of them are preparing something…. THEY WANT TO KILL EVERYONE!


End file.
